Gene... it's not about centimeters, meters, inches, feet, yards, days, years, centuries and millenniums. It's about truth, justice, and porno stars! How are we ever going to get the casinos to do a second round of even more, higher denomination "Millennium 2001" chips if we don't start now to teach them to count? Come with me now to Sweeties Remedial Counting class. Again.

Class supplies needed:
1) Infinite supply of pennies (OK, at least $3 worth, however many that is).
2) Fine point Sharpie.
3) Bucket labeled "The Future"
4) Bucket labeled "The Past"
5) An open mind

First, note that I numbered the supplies starting with 1, not 0.

Please put all your pennies in the bucket labeled The Future. We will begin at zero. (Where everything starts!)

Take a penny out of The Future. Hold it in your hands (which we will call The Present). Savor it. Take your Sharpie and number it. It's your first penny, so number it "1". Now drop it into The Past.

Take another penny out of The Future, hold it in The Present, number it "2", savor it, and chuck it into The Past. Repeat 97 more times.

You should now have 99 pennies in The Past. We are on the brink of pulling the 100th penny out of The Future. Stop. Think. Do we have a dollar in The Past? If you took those 99 pennies to the bank, would they give you a crisp, green, boring George Washington for them? NO! You're a PENNY SHORT!!!

Go to The Future, Gene! Go there now!!! You too, Bob! Get another penny! Number it! 100!!!!!!! Now notice how this penny is different from all the rest. It's special! It has a 1 in the third digit. None of the other pennies had a 1 in the third digit. Are you playing along, Bob? Isn't this amazing? The magic penny, the penny that's going to make our dollar whole, has a number that ends in 00!

OK, it's finally time to add that penny to The Past, so our dollar can be complete. I believe this calls for a celebration! Who brought the champagne? Do it, Gene. DO IT NOW! Chuck that penny into The Past. 100 pennies!! It's a DOLLAR!!!!!!!

We can't stop here, time marches on. Pull another penny from The Future. Write the next number on it. 101! It's special! It's the first penny of our second dollar! Savor it with all the pomp and circumstance you can muster. We have entered a new era. We have begun counting our SECOND dollar!

Whew! That's enough celebrating for me. I don't know about you, but I'm all wore out. You guys keep counting. Let me know when you get to penny #299. Maybe we can think of a reason to party.

What does this have to do with calendars, centuries, millenniums and porno stars? I don't know. I just know I need more porno chips in my collection. Please help.