OK Gene, I concede. But tell me:

Just exactly what are high cards? Is there a certain perameter? Is a high card in seat one the same as in seat 9?
What do you mean by the statement, "Do not chase with a flop that gives you 2nd pair unless you have the draw." Have a draw to what? And by the way what do you mean by draw? Can I through away my two cards and ask the dealer for two substitutes such as in "Draw Poker"
What is a set?
What is an overcard?
what do you mean by "mucking it"
What do you mean when you say? "Do not chase with a flop that gives you 2nd pair unless you have the draw." I still don't know what you are tralking about when you use the term "draw"
You said, "Play any pair before the flop unless there is a raise." Does that include a pair of aces. And if not, how about Kings, or Queens or even maybe Jacks?

These are just a few of the questions. Now please keep in mind that I have never played poker as I am a blackjack player (although I do know the ranks of hands) and I only have a couple of days to learn all the terms your talking about, then remembering them, and most importantly, I must execute all this knowledge within seconds while I am in a live play situation.

One more thing. I wouldn't play heads up with my youngest grandchild (if, of course, I know what that meant). As a matter of fact I never play with less than 7 seated players. My skill level does not include short games.

And last but not least, do you want me to meet you at the Fiest to get the chips you are holding for me or it it alright to pick them up at the convention? I'll probably stop in the Fiesta anyway to see if there was anything new that I didn't have from prior years that might have been returned, so it doesn't matter to me.