A guy in a bar stands up & says, "All lawyers are assholes."
Another guy stands up & says, "Hey...I resent that...."
The first guy says, "Why? Are you a lawyer?"
The second guy says, "No. I'm an asshole."

A doctor's walking out of his house after breakfast.
He turns to his wife & says, "You're a rotten wife, a crummy mother,
& a terrible lover."
That night when he gets home he finds his wife on the living room floor
making love to a stranger.
He says, "What do you think you're doing?"
She moans, "Getting a second opinion."

I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was "Always".

What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.

I hope I haven't offended anyone. I had some Polish, Texas & Jewish ones, but I'll save them for another occasion.
Have a safe, enjoyable, & restful Fourth.